Arguments Can Make Your Relationship Stronger?
It doesn’t matter if you’re in a serious relationship right now, or even if you’re single and looking for a relationship – I want you to pay close attention…
Are you ready? Good…
Arguments are often seen as a negative thing in relationships.
Very often people assume that once they start arguing, in some way it’s the beginning of the end. They think, “Oh we’ve tarnished the relationship already.”
First, I want to debate that assumption and then I want to talk about when you get to the point of an argument.
Now let’s imagine you’re with your partner and you start arguing. Immediately that emotion comes in that says, “I need to win this argument.”
It might be pride or stubbornness. It might be a part of you that feels insecure. You may feel that if you don’t win then you’re not in the driver’s seat. So, you try and win the whole thing.
I want to make sure that we get you to a more mature place than that. By the way, I’ve been guilty of this myself, that’s why I know this topic so well.
When you feel yourself getting into that argument, remember:
There’s a difference between winning in the argument and winning in the relationship. I want to make sure you win in the relationship…
…because the argument is just the battle, the relationship is the war.
When you’re in that argument, there are two words I want you to remember:
Sounds obvious, I know. Right?
The key to relationships is understanding.
When you get to that point of an argument, showing that you understand someone is the key.
Think about it this way: You might not agree with someone’s reaction to a situation, but you can acknowledge where the feeling came from that led to that reaction.
You may be across the room and there’s something you’re doing that’s making me jealous. I come over to you and I shout at you.
In that moment, you’re annoyed because you don’t feel like you should have been shouted at. You can disagree with my reaction to shout at you, but you can also understand and acknowledge that there was a feeling that prompted the reaction.
Very often when you understand the feeling, the other person feels ready to admit they’re sorry.
We’ll deal with what to do when they don’t say they’re sorry another time. Right now, I just want to get clear on taking notice of our instinct to try and figure out why that person is feeling a certain way before we go on the attack…
…because when we go on the attack that’s when we start doing serious damage to the relationship. Show that you’re part of a team and that you want to help each other out. The quickest and easiest way to do that is to show that you understand the other person.
If you take an argument as an opportunity to better understand your partner’s feelings, you might just find your relationship becomes stronger over time.
So, remember those two very important words next time you get into an argument: “I understand.”
by Matthew Hussey